How many of you are on a journey called life?

Well--hopefully all of you since you are alive.

Maybe I should have asked, how many of you believe that life is a journey?

A  journey is an ongoing experience from one point to another.  We, as females, experience life from birth through teenage years, parenthood, menopause and into the hereafter
 
My personal journey, like yours, has had many ups and down.  For many years--over 40, I struggled with insecurity.  I had a lot of fears.  I was afraid of not waking up in the morning.  I was afraid of change. I was really afraid of authority figures such as teachers--anyone who could tell me I was wrong. 

These fears fueled my insecurities so that I stressed out about everything from homework to being as good as I could be in order to be loved. I thought I had to be perfect.

Then I grew up and was responsible for myself. This only increased my fear and insecurity.  Now I had to live up to not only what I thought were the expectations of others, BUT my own expectations as well--and I had some high expectations! It was a lot of pressure.

There was also pressure to get married, which I eventually did when I met my Mr. Right. But marriage only opened up a whole new set of anxieties and performances. I was now responsible for the health and welfare of another person.  I remember the first time we went to a grocery store together, I asked Mark what we should buy. He replied "That's your responsibility; you're the cook." I felt a chill go through me. Terror struck my heart. I carried that trauma with me for years; I became anxious every time I went to the grocery store.  So you can see what kind of shape I was in back then.

Early in our marriage, we discovered that I was allergic to Mark's dandruff shampoo. We didn't think much about it--other than discontinuing to use that shampoo.  However, my general health was one of tiredness and not feeling very well.  We thought it was a result of how stressed I always was until a friend suggested that allergies might be a problem. I began investigating this and discovered I had an ailment called Multiple Chemical Sensitivities or Environmental Illness. I couldn't tolerate soap, cleansers, perfumes, and many, many other manmade products.  It made my life miserable; I went into a downward spiral. I became increasing sensitive to more and more things. I had to quit going out in public because so many things made me feel worse than just not well. I couldn't have been in a place like this. 

My life became narrowed down to home and office.  Fortunately, we had our own business called Linux Mall, a e-commerce business supporting the Linux operating system. We asked our employees to limit the use of personal care products to only those I could tolerate.  Still, I could barely make it through the day before collapsing into the safe haven of home at night. If something didn't change quickly I was only months away from being one of the "bubble people," isolated from everything.  You've probably all heard about people who are so sensitive that they live in bubbles away from any contaminants.

For most people, their worst fears rarely come to pass.  But when your life is ruled by fear, then some are bound to happen and this was true for me.  My mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  Two major clients reneged on their bills which caused our business to be in danger of collapsing. So in addition to all the other stressors in my life, I was experiencing two of my worst fears, the loss of my mother with whom I was very close and the failure of our business as we were no longer able to pay our bills. 

My response was anger. All I had wanted to do was be a simple housewife with a white picket fence.

Now I was having to talk to bill collectors who had the authority to ruin my good credit.  Every time I turned around, I was confronted with a stressor.  Imagine fielding phone calls from bill collectors one minute and then having to cheerily talk to clients about 3 year maintenance contracts the next minute.

My husband helped as much as he could.  He put in long hours and tried to reassure me that we'd be okay.  That it wouldn't be the end of the world if we lost our business.  The irony was that a bankruptcy attorney told us we were too poor to bankrupt.  Therefore, the only option was to keep on going -- without knowing when we'd see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

I had a secret desire to run away from home.  But I certainly couldn't do that.  I was too loyal to leave Mark and run home to my parents--besides, I knew my parents had enough troubles without me landing on them.

Although,  I grew up in church and my parents taught me about God,  He was kind of a nebulous God who had set rules for behavior. I didn't think he cared about me, personally,  except that I be obedient to all the rules. I was taught to pray every day, but I couldn't tell that God ever heard any of those prayers.  As my life spiraled downward, physically and emotionally, I began to blame God.  If He was a loving God as I'd been told, why was he allowing all this to happen to me?  Was He punishing me because I was not good enough for Him?
 
One day I was so mad that I actually yelled at Him. "Why ARE YOU  doing this to me?" I cried and cried in frustration. After calming down, I begged Him to please help me.  I didn't know what else to do; I was at the end of my rope.

About this time, in an effort to curtail expenses, we closed our office and moved our 13 employees to our large house. The former landlord, who owned the building where our business had been, threatened to sue us for the remaining amount of the lease--8 months worth.   You can imagine how my fear of authority was really strong at this point.

One day Mark went to meet with the landlord--to tell him to sue us
because we couldn't pay.  I called a friend who I felt was on good terms with God and asked her to pray for us. When Mark came home, the news was that the landlord had let us out of the lease in return for the two months back rent we actually did owe. Mark wrote him a check immediately and although we now had less than $10 left in the bank we were saved from a lawsuit.

That day was a turning point in my journey of life.  I believed that this change of attitude on the part of the landlord was a result of my friend's prayers being answered. I knew then that God really did care. I began to seriously read the Bible which is God's communication to us.  I was amazed at how relevant and applicable it was to me and where I was at in my life.  Especially the book of Proverbs--it is full of down to earth truths, kind of like a forerunner of Benjamin Franklin's Poor Richard's Almanac.

But even better, I discovered just how much God really does care about all of us, despite the fact we haven't actively believed in and followed Him. I'd never stopped to consider that living in a way that ignores God is sin. This sin causes death and ultimate separation from Him. Most of us are nice people but we ARE sinners as long as we don't love and trust Him, that is walk with Him.  I found out that I really hadn't been including God on my daily journey. I believed in Him but I really didn't know or Love Him.

In my daily reading of the Bible, I discovered that God's love for us is so great that He sent His Son Jesus to earth.  Though Jesus lived a perfect, sinless life, he was rejected by men and condemned to die.  At the cross, he paid the penalty for our sins, then and now.  After three days, he came back to life and again is with God.  Because of his death and resurrection, he made it possible for mankind, you and me, to have a personal relationship with both Him and God the Father.  His love wasn't just for people 2000 years ago but for us, even today.

I began to pray, thanking Jesus for the sacrifice He made for me.  I asked him into my life, to be there as a daily guide. As I began to study His life and came to know Him and through Him, God the Father, I began to see parts of my life that needed changing.

I told you before that I had Multiple Chemical Sensitivities. A friend put me in touch with an organization that worked with people who had Multiple Chemical Sensitivities and other diseases. I learned that all my worries and fears had kept my body in the "fight or flight" mode.  It dragged down my immune system where it could no longer cope with the negative hormones and chemicals that were being secreted inside me whenever I'd get uptight about something. This in turn caused my body to react to outside exposures. The Bible tells us that as we think in our hearts, our bodies are so controlled.  My thoughts were so negative that they had a negative influence on my body.
By learning how to trust in Jesus as my support instead of just looking at circumstances, I began to receive healing in my body. Remember all those insecurities and fears that I had.  Whenever I began to have a physical reaction to something, I learned to stop and ask what was going on inside me. Many times it was a fear of some kind.  Often a memory of inadequacy was rearing its head. 

This had actually started when I was a child.  I was fairly intelligent and made good grades.  But I was also undersized; you know how people always pick on those smaller than themselves.  I was persecuted for making good grades.  However, on the occasions I didn't know an answer or made a bad grade, I was laughed at and made to feel worse than mud.  I believe this is partly why I've always been driven to excel.
So during the years I was so ill, if someone asked me a question to which I didn't know the answer, I would tense up with fear, often going into spasms of coughing.  In most cases, once I'd calmed down enough to admit "out loud" to the other person that I didn't know, then I'd find out that they didn't consider the question important. So, you see, my spasm of coughing really was precipitated by my own feeling of inadequacy rather than the other person thinking I was bad.

I began talking to Jesus about my fears and asked him to change my attitudes.  As I got closer to Him, I learned that he would help me through situations which had bothered me before.   My body indeed had been responding to external exposure to chemicals or even foods.  But now, I gradually began to take things back.  It was a great day when I had a whole bowl of ice cream! I did without for six years because only a spoonful would make me feel like I'd been smashed by a truck.  I remember noticing the smell of fireplace smoke and not wetting my pants from a major coughing spell.  I knew I was healed when we took a trip to Las Vegas for a computer show and was able to walk around in the smoky hotels and casinos without getting sick.

I found that my fears hadn't just caused a physical reaction in my body.  They also had affected what I thought of other people and in essence, how I interacted with them. Over the years, my insecurities had made me a critical and judgmental person. I must have been a toxic person to be around.  As I was now able to go out in public once again, I attended a two day seminar.  Suddenly I became aware of my thoughts.  "She's sure having a bad hair day."  "I can't imagine that his wife let him out of the house wearing that." Etc.  Later, that night, I told God that I knew these thoughts were not His way.  I asked him to change my thought processes so I wouldn't be critical of people that he loved.  The next morning at the seminar, I became aware that I was thinking "I'm so glad she made it today." "He sure looks happy."  These were the same people I had been criticizing the day before.

While I can't say that I'm always upbeat, that day was another turning point for me.  Putting other people down really didn't make me any better.  Besides, I'd never dream of saying my thoughts to someone's face; instead these thoughts had been churning inside and dragging me down. Without a continual attitude of negativity, I realized that I was much happier. A couple of years ago, a new acquaintance told me that I was a very kind person.  My response was "Praise God, Praise Jesus."

On the business front, our company made a huge turnaround and became more prosperous than we'd ever dreamed. We eventually sold it and became full-time Rvers, but that's another journey and a whole 'nother story.  Because I now like myself, I find that I can have delightful relationships with others.   As we've traveled, we've met a lot of people and enjoy keeping in touch with many through phone, email and the web. 
Yes, our life, our journey and particularly--my journey  has changed so much.  But no, it's still not perfect.  A  relationship with God doesn't make everything perfect, but it does give one the strength and wisdom to deal with problems in a constructive way.  I still struggle with fear and insecurity.  However, now I can  recognize it and question why.    The best part is that I can eliminate that fear by giving it over to God.

I know I can do this because Jesus is still here for me today. My life really changed after I began to recognize that Jesus died for me.  And best of all, He rose again, is alive and active in my life along with God the Father. By accepting Jesus as our savior, we come into relationship with him and the Father.  Whenever I have problems, I know I  can take them to Jesus.  He knows my heart.  And He knows your heart too.  Jesus can be your friend and brother if you let him into your life.

Perhaps some of you are like I was, burdened with worry and fear, literally defeated by negative attitudes that have robbed you of the ability to enjoy life.  That is not how Jesus wants you to live. In the Bible, He said "I am come that you might have abundant life." The abundant life that He wants you to have begins with a relationship with Him.
Would you like to have the relationship with Him that I have? All it takes is to acknowledge that Jesus is the Son of God who died for your sins and believe that God raised him from the dead and that He is alive today. When you do that, your relationship with God begins. I am now going to say a prayer similar to one I said many years ago when I began my relationship with God. If you are ready to make a change in your life, you may pray along with me silently while I pray aloud. Everyone, please bow your heads.

Dear Lord Jesus,

Right now I choose to go Your way.

Thank You for giving your life for me. I accept your forgiveness for my past.

I turn from my own way and, by faith, ask You to come in and to take over the controls of my life.  I  now receive you as my Savior and Lord.

Thank You for your tremendous gift of Everlasting Life.

From now on I want to follow You. Help me to read Your Word and pray each day that I may live to bring honor to you.

Thank You for taking me into Your Family.

I ask this in your Name.

Amen

If this was your first time to say that prayer,  do you know what just happened?  God the Father and Jesus accepted you just the way your are.  You have been forgiven of all your sins.  In this prayer, you invited Jesus along on your journey.  He's brought his suitcase and will be your traveling companion for the rest of your life.

I suggest that you tell someone about your decision today, possibly the person who invited you to come today.  You may wish to become involved in one of our Friendship Bible Coffees.  Look for a Bible believing church which can help you along in your new relationship with Jesus.

We ask the hostesses to please pass out the Comments card to those at your table.  Please fill out those completely   Mark if you want further information about the Friendship Bible Coffees or other Stonecroft activities.  You may write additional comments or prayer requests in the space provided.

If you let me know that you prayed with me today to accept Jesus into your life, I have a special gift for you--this booklet called A New Beginning that will tell you more about Jesus and living a life with Him. I'd be honored to pray for you and your new relationship with God.  If you are shy about talking to me, you can simply fold your response card in half.

I will be near the front door if you'd like to say hello on your way out.  You can turn in your Comments cards and your name tags to me.  I do thank everyone for coming today.  I'll see you by the door in the foyer.